Guilty

Obsess: To dominate or preoccupy the thoughts, feelings, or desires of (a person)

It has been said that I am obsessed with my children. Um, well yes. I have been thinking about this thing called motherhood. The past few weeks I have had the pleasure of all three of my kids' company while on vacation in Newport. Tonight while helping my little Katie get to sleep, I reflected on each of them and how they preoccupy my thoughts and feelings.

So, first we grow them and carry their little baby selves around inside of us for 10 months. This is where it begins you know. Suddenly we obsess with every food and beverage, vitamin, chemical we put in our bodies, because it will affect this little sweetie. We are responsible for their health and well being. Starting now, and always.

Then after enduring labor and all that goes with it, we continue to obsess with the food, beverage, etc. while nursing. We watch them sleep (or not sleep) and feel their chest to make sure they are breathing. We lay awake at night in case they need us. Our thoughts are preoccupied with anticipating and fulfilling their tiny little needs.

And boy do we love them.

We teach them to eat solid foods, drink from a cup, walk, play, talk, sing and dance. We make sure they don't fall and get hurt (too much). We call the doctor, call our moms, call our grandmas and even 911 when we fear there is something wrong. Because we are obsessed with their well being.

We show them how to ride a bike. First inside (in our pajamas), then outside with a helmet.

We teach them to share, be kind to their friends and sisters and brothers and to love their mommies. And they do.

Then, eventually, if we do our jobs they become tweens...

And we obsess about their education, peer pressure and boys. We teach them to be good to their friends and polite to their friends' parents. We are preoccupied with their well being. We teach them to be self sufficient, kind, and how to use the washing machine. We encourage them to be kind to their pain in the butt baby sister (because, you know, you were a pain in the butt sister too once...and still are sometimes).

We teach them to treat people the way they want to be treated, not to lie, to eat healthy meals, wash your face brush your teeth, floss, tidy your room.....

We teach them to love and hope they will always love us too. And they do.

Well, then they grow up. And you continue to obsess over their well being. And there is not so much control you have over them anymore. You just hope and pray that all that obsessing and worrying and teaching you have done over the past 18 (almost 19) years will stick.

You fill out the college forms and get them moved into their first place. You hope that they will be kind, loving adults.

You hope that they don't get their handsome hearts broken. You hopefully get to see the fruits of your labor right before your eyes. All the joys and heartaches of being the mom.

And you pray that they are happy and that you did a good job and did it right, because you only get to do it once. And I don't know how to do that without doing it all the way, so okay I guess I am obsessed with being the best mom possible at any given moment. And no way is it ever perfect, but I will keep trying.

So I suppose that my response to being obsessed with my kids is: Guilty as charged.