Guilty

Obsess: To dominate or preoccupy the thoughts, feelings, or desires of (a person)

It has been said that I am obsessed with my children. Um, well yes. I have been thinking about this thing called motherhood. The past few weeks I have had the pleasure of all three of my kids' company while on vacation in Newport. Tonight while helping my little Katie get to sleep, I reflected on each of them and how they preoccupy my thoughts and feelings.

So, first we grow them and carry their little baby selves around inside of us for 10 months. This is where it begins you know. Suddenly we obsess with every food and beverage, vitamin, chemical we put in our bodies, because it will affect this little sweetie. We are responsible for their health and well being. Starting now, and always.

Then after enduring labor and all that goes with it, we continue to obsess with the food, beverage, etc. while nursing. We watch them sleep (or not sleep) and feel their chest to make sure they are breathing. We lay awake at night in case they need us. Our thoughts are preoccupied with anticipating and fulfilling their tiny little needs.

And boy do we love them.

We teach them to eat solid foods, drink from a cup, walk, play, talk, sing and dance. We make sure they don't fall and get hurt (too much). We call the doctor, call our moms, call our grandmas and even 911 when we fear there is something wrong. Because we are obsessed with their well being.

We show them how to ride a bike. First inside (in our pajamas), then outside with a helmet.

We teach them to share, be kind to their friends and sisters and brothers and to love their mommies. And they do.

Then, eventually, if we do our jobs they become tweens...

And we obsess about their education, peer pressure and boys. We teach them to be good to their friends and polite to their friends' parents. We are preoccupied with their well being. We teach them to be self sufficient, kind, and how to use the washing machine. We encourage them to be kind to their pain in the butt baby sister (because, you know, you were a pain in the butt sister too once...and still are sometimes).

We teach them to treat people the way they want to be treated, not to lie, to eat healthy meals, wash your face brush your teeth, floss, tidy your room.....

We teach them to love and hope they will always love us too. And they do.

Well, then they grow up. And you continue to obsess over their well being. And there is not so much control you have over them anymore. You just hope and pray that all that obsessing and worrying and teaching you have done over the past 18 (almost 19) years will stick.

You fill out the college forms and get them moved into their first place. You hope that they will be kind, loving adults.

You hope that they don't get their handsome hearts broken. You hopefully get to see the fruits of your labor right before your eyes. All the joys and heartaches of being the mom.

And you pray that they are happy and that you did a good job and did it right, because you only get to do it once. And I don't know how to do that without doing it all the way, so okay I guess I am obsessed with being the best mom possible at any given moment. And no way is it ever perfect, but I will keep trying.

So I suppose that my response to being obsessed with my kids is: Guilty as charged.

Beckie Jean

She was one of my favorite friends, my neen. In the months after Katie was born, we spoke on the phone almost every day. She answered the phone and said Hi Beckie Jean! Post partum woes, trials and tribulations of marriage, cooking tips, kids, doctors' appointments, bills, exercise, and everything else under the moon. We had finally gotten to that comfortable place where there was no worry of judgement, just a friend who had been there and done that.

Boy, do I miss her. When I was little (and then not so little), I used to wrap my arms around her soft middle and squeeze until she had no breath left!

I wish I had a picture, other than the crystal clear one in my head, of the day she sat on her sidewalk on Minerva Street with the ice cream maker stirring thingy in her hand, ice cream dripping down her arms as she licked the vanilla goodness as it melted in the Ohio heat. She was in her bathing suit with a big smile on her face.

The last time I visited her in November 2007, I squeezed her again so tight, asked her advice and listened to the answers, held her hands, kissed her smooth soft face. I savored every minute of that visit, just in case. Every time I drove out of their driveway and watched them wave goodbye until we were out of view, I prayed it wouldn't be the last time I saw their sweet old faces.

A year ago today we lost her, and I still think about her every day. Sometimes I'm lucky enough to have a wonderful dream about her and it feels like I had the chance to see her again. She was a sweet lady, my favorite friend.

Vegan Croissants!!

Well, we've been here in Newport 10 days now. Today was just a relaxing stay home kind of day. Rachel went off with her dad, and Katie could not get motivated to get dressed, sun screened, and out the door. So we decided to stay in. And I decided to experiment with some baking from my library borrowed Vegan Lunch Box cookbook. Look! here they areSince Katie was off to bed early today (no nap), Kevin and I had the taste-test duties. While certainly not the same as a gooey, buttery regular croissant, these were great! They are a mixture of whole wheat and white flour, along with vegan butter and some other stuff. Yum. We'll see if Kate likes them for breakfast.

We have fallen into a nice routine here. Even Kate has stopped asking us to take her home at last. That's not to say there hasn't been tears and tantrums...

Or a little too much TV (hey, at least she made her bed...)

Most days we walk to one of the playgrounds (3 within walking distance!!) or the library. Or we take a quick drive to the beach. We found out this week that if we get there early we are just about alone on this gorgeous beach
Daddy catches the girls some hermit crabs, and they suddenly have lots of friends...

With daddy on Kate duty, mommy even gets to relax a bit

We love the beach!!

Home, hello, goodbye...

Um, let's see. I'm behind on posting with all the packing, driving, unpacking, laundry, packing and driving we've done this week. Here's a quick update.

Our last day in PA was spent at Hershey Gardens with Aunt Kelly, Uncle Chris, and cousins Ben, Annie and Sam. The girls loved the pretty roses





Next we set off for the long trip home. Several tantrums later, we finally arrived home in Woodstock. Ahh...I love home even more when I've been away for awhile. We got home Tuesday, unpacked the rental van and suitcases, boxes and bags...did about 17 loads of laundry and I don't even remember what else.

Usually Sophie kitty runs away the day we leave for a trip; this time we were surprised 2 nights before leaving for the month by Charlotte kitty returning home after being a runaway for 2 weeks. Joy. I think she may have been away having a feline lobotomy. This is a cat that would run and hide if you even looked in her direction before she ran away. I was kind of relieved to have her bad, evil karma out of the house to be honest. Well, she looks like Charlotte, but this is the sweetest kitty ever. She LOVES everybody. Even the shrieking two year old who pulls her tail and picks her up by the neck.

See? (NO, Katie is not sitting on her. She kept climbing up and sitting with Kate)


She's smiling here, and I swear her eyes were welling up with joy. What a nice kitty.

I wonder what will happen now that we're gone for a month. When we left Sophie was hissing at her and quite angry at me for letting that girl back in. I took Charlotte to the vet to be checked out and she said it was best to let them be together and get reacquainted. Or maybe we'll be back to one cat when we get home. We'll see.

Newport greeted us Friday with beautiful sunshine and it hasn't stopped shining since. It's wonderful here. I did some cooking last night and today, so it's finally starting to feel like home. Rachie and I went for a bike/run today along Bellevue past the mansions, and we all went for a quick trip to the beach. Too windy and cold today, but Kate had a great time. I wish I got a picture of Rachel buried in towels on the beach chair. Next time.

We are looking forward to some visitors over the next few weeks! The girls and I hope to check out the libraries, discover a few more playgrounds and hit the natural food store and farmer's market next week too.